I want to live in an animal crossing game and never come back ever
my entire life is me dropping things and whispering ‘fuck’
so hard to be an angsty teen when all you listen to are showtunes
an inside joke is just a very small meme
in america we don’t say “i love you” we just send people the emoji with the sunglasses
don’t trust anybody who compliments your smile. they just get off on seeing the little bits of skeleton poking out through your gums. anybody who tells you you’ve got a nice smile is a certified skeleton fucker.
we are the last generation whose baby photos weren’t taken on phones
its called freedom of spinach
I can’t believe Jesus hatched from an Easter egg 2000 years ago
medusa, trying to turn you to stone, but you accidentally called her “melissa” when you first walked in and now you’re too embarrassed to look at her. “it’s alright” she keeps saying “i get it all the time” but you still won’t look. u don’t even remember the stone thing until later
cant wait for natural selection to take out slow walkers
held a door open for a girl today and didn’t even get a blowjob. so tired of getting friend zoned.
"average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
why get a job when you can sell oregano to middle-schoolers and tell them it’s weed