swimminginmainstream:

held a door open for a girl today and didn’t even get a blowjob. so tired of getting friend zoned.

reallyreallyreallytrying:

"average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

douhgnut:

why get a job when you can sell oregano to middle-schoolers and tell them it’s weed

lieutenantbites:

Mom call the cops the dangan ronpa bloggers are stapling powerpoint slides all over the outside of the house again

fredschilton:

if you ever feel like a failure, just remember that jack crawford and the fbi arrested a vegan as the main suspect on a cannibal case

18004206969:

Yes. I’d like some bird seeds, thank you. and how long does it usually take for the birds to grow.

shrek trek: beam me up, donkey

just found the yaoi to end all yaoi

illkim:

You have no idea what I’ve been through in my life. I had the ORIGINAL GameBoy Advance. That shit had no light and I had to find the perfectly lit room. You don’t know what I come from.

resetty:

what if websites had closing hours

internetexplorers:

*looks in the mirror* what the fuck is that

peble:

did i actually save or did i imagine it? better save eleven more times

marcovicci:

i cant see any of the main characters in the hp books as decent people because they exist in a universe where there are ways to heal broken bones in 30 seconds or less and depression is cured by shooting silver fursonas out of a stick and they never make any attempt to get any of it to the nonmagical world

chickenyaoi:

straight boys don’t shut their mouths because their lips would be touching and that’s gay

pizzashrapnelblindness:

growing up i always thought that quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be